“I’d never considered the price of intimacy until I hired a sex worker.” This was the opening line of a recent article by Andrew Gurza, who discloses that it was his “nearly year-long celibacy,” which drove him to the idea of paying someone for sex, and he openly admits that it was not an easy decision, as he was worried about the stigma that was attached.
I don’t have a problem because he made a decision he felt was right for him. My problem is that in his discussion of the decision, he perpetuated the stigma that a physical impairment makes an individual innately undesirable.
I also struggle with my sexuality, in terms of intimacy with another person. When a look at myself in the mirror, or lay in bed and think about all of my physical limitations, I can’t fathom how or why another person would be interested in me on a sexual level. I’m bone thin, my legs look uneven, I’m full of scars, and the biggest muscle on my body is probably my mouth. — which might be the only thing working to my advantage in the situation — (Kidding. Kind of.)
But the fact is, I have had sex, and done sexual things with guys, and each time, I’ve first had a frank discussion about my physical limitations. Being upfront gives me the comfort of knowing I was honest, and gives the guy an out, if he decides to take it; if things progress beyond that point, we are both as informed as we can be; and I take comfort in knowing that means by the time he arrives, the guy wants to be with me, physically.
I understand and empathize with the desire to have an intimate physical connection with someone, but I feel it’s worth waiting to find someone who wants to be there…. because of who you are as an individual.
I’m not suggesting it’s easy, but doing so is true empowerment. It proves that disabled people can be, and are, seen as sexually desirable And more importantly, it’s a sign of confidence and a show of self-worth; believing that you will find someone despite whatever insecurities you may feel.
It isn’t my place to judge someone for actions they take in their own lives; but when a highly visible advocate for “social acceptability” of the disabled community, suggests that hiring an escort was liberating sexual experience which made him realize he would not accept a “affectionless existence,” I feel an obligation to say…
There’s another way.